The sun is warm in a bright blue sky, and the plane trails are clearing very quickly, the birds are singing, and I am ‘creosoting’ yes, real creosoting, not like ‘hoovering’ when using a Dyson.
The product being applied is a 50/50 mix of creosote and old Land Rover engine oil. Great for killing plants. But it is only available in one colour! Life in the matrix isn’t that bad after all. But that feeling may be because of not watching/listening to any news, Telegram or reading BTL comments in FSB’s Daily Gossip!
We had an early walk, as it was forecast to be hot, and the countryside looks fabulous, with lots of hares about, they are so large that they look like muntjac. But what has happened to all the rabbits? I tried to avoid looking at all the litter, but one crisp packet caught my eye: so, Walkers still sell prawn cocktail flavoured crisps?
The early walk prevented me listening to the home of common sense at the breakfast bar with my head in my hands, moaning to the wife: “could this shower of shit government possibly get any worse?” which is then usually followed by two minutes of hate for Heir "I get it" Starmer. Of course it could be worse, as we are all about to find out.
I am now down the bottom of the garden with a 3-inch (75 mm) paint brush in my hand, coating a section of new fence, I am listening to my blue tooth speaker, being reminded that we British did make the best music in the world. Life is still good.
Creosoting gives you time to contemplate things, I am even thinking of buying a ‘polished turd’ (EV Carnage speak for a Plug in Hybrid). And while I am at it, I may as well have me a few mRNA injections, after all, I am putting on weight. They must be by now combining Covid/flu/fat bastard shots.
I am not a long away from re-entering the rabbit hole. I am not certain of what encouraged that (I refuse to type ‘triggered’). Was it switching over to TalkRADIO? It was more likely to have just been before that. The speaker is ‘blue toothed’ (what the heck is that?) to my smart phone. The phone has to be near the house to pick up Wi-Fi, because the mobile signal in the rapidly expanding village we live in, is shite. Following years of poor quality internet reception, I bit the bullet and paid for fibre, and the location of the box means that the modem signal no longer reaches the back garden. BT sent me a ‘disc’ to boost reception within the house, but it is still not reaching the end of the garden, like it once used too!
That reminds me, I must complain to BT, as when I ‘upgraded’ by increasing my monthly debit by a couple of quid per month, and assumed I would be getting the latest modem, but ended up receiving just (another) a red cable! The first call to them after that receipt was very odd, as the ‘Advisor’ said I should had received a modem. That phone conversation got cut off whilst I was on hold, as he tried to talk to the delivery agents, and it was obviously too much to expect that advisor to call me back. The second advisor who answered my follow up call managed to persuade me to order a ‘disc’ (Wi-Fi extender) for yet another couple of quid more per month. The disc has improved reception around the house, but it still will not reach the bottom of the garden….FFS.
While listening to the ‘home of common sense. My neighbour must had thought I had developed Tourettes, as I kept repeat shouting at the speaker: “stop fucking calling it fossil fuels” I was getting louder every time that term was used. “Julia, you are playing their game by using that created terminology”
I spent forty years in the oil and gas industry and never once heard that term used. “Hydrocarbons” was as fancy as it got, and then only used to impress the ladies. That Net Zero grifter has finished and we now have moved on to the transgender issue: great. A boring subject that receives far too much airtime. Down goes the paintbrush, off comes the gloves and I walk to the phone to go back to music. Gloves back on: splish/splash/splosh.
The one good thing about going for wooden supports on the new section, which was to mimic the construction of the forty-year-old existing fencing, is that you do not have to worry about getting coating on the non-existent concrete posts. (vote box on this subject at the end)
At this point my wife brings me coffee and biscuits and asks a reasonable question: “Why are you shouting just f off’ all the time? You said painting would be therapeutic”
Me: the last shout was for the continual annoying adverts for compo claims, for if you took out car finance. The same adverts pop up all the time on YouTube. They are the new PPI claims.
“What is PPI?”
It’s not important, what is important is that I am not painting, I am creosoting. And why only three plain chocolate digestives?
“Because I know you do not like odd numbers! Plus they were all that was left”
Probably done me a favour, and these Tower Gate from Lidl are not a patch on McVitie’s.
I go back to my phone to change channels. That walk is also taking me closer to the Warren.
Whilst on the repeat journey, I hear the neighbour’s Air Source Heat system fan cutting in. That neighbour being the nice chap that I tried to get to agree a date to fill the potholes down our private (unmaintained) road. He could not make the first suggested date as he was having his Covid booster, the next date suggested, it was his flu booster. When I said he liked injections, he replied that he was a few years older than me. That was many months ago, and I am certain he sees the new combined shots as progress. At least he and his wife, who are very good neighbours, are still with us, so perhaps I have all that deathly mRNA injections theory wrong. My wife being foreign obviously has a better command of English than I, and says he is an ‘idealogue’. I had to look up that word, it is applicable.
I am nearly in that warren. And yet the lingering aircraft trails/clouds, followed the next day by grey skies are still a few days away (article to follow, if I dare) I top up my container with a fresh batch of ‘creosote’ but it isn’t the real deal, it is a different brand called ‘Ecosote’ The label on the back has not survived being outside for years, so I cannot confirm it is water based. But it must be, as mixing it with the oil produces an emulsion! Sod it, it is still going on the fence, by this time I am recoating the old fence. How water-based products work on protecting outside timber is beyond me? The engine oil will protect it though.
Another benefit of creosote: there is no requirement to clean your brushes. Pick it up in five years and it will still be useable. Unlike the modern products that produce a stiff brush. A brush that can be cleaned in water! How does that work for weather proofing?
By now I am fed up listening to early Genesis and think I will go back to Talk, as I like Ian Collins. Obviously, another gloves off/walk moment was required. As I turn it on again (inhouse joke there for Genesis fans) Ian and Steven Woolfe (https://www.stevenwoolfe.uk) are talking about the government offering property landlords 5-year deals, with all maintenance paid for (by us obviously) contracts to house illegal immigrants. They then mentioned the owner of hotel chain that currently houses illegals had progressed from muti-millionaire to billionaire status. By now I am running in the direction of that rabbit hole.
I eventually go back to the phone to switch back to music, as Jeremy Kyle is about to come on, and he is just annoying. When I think I will use my phone to take a few photos of my new fence. Relax folks I am not going to post them on Facebook!
Only for my phone to tell me the storage is full and the camera cannot be used. FFS, I spent half an hour deleting photos and videos last night, when it told me it was nearly full. Now it is that full, that WhatsApp will not open until I free up some memory.
Now, I am safely at home in my rabbit hole.
As mentioned, this fence was a continuation of old school fencing. That neighbour was happy for me to access his garden to coat his side of the new fence. No harm came to his plants!
When coating the modern fence construction of concrete posts and drop in panels, do you:
1. Coat up to the concrete post, carefully avoiding getting product on those posts.
2. Lift out the panels, coat both sides, and drop the panels back in.
3. Bish, bash, bosh and coat everything, including posts.
4. Don’t bother coating at all (like my other neighbour, so the fence rots from his side).
Vote below.